Last week I missed 3 days of work due to a bad cold that gave me a sinus infection. I also missed yesterday at work as well. Thankfully I had a doctor’s note for my work.
However, I was very anxious last night. Something told me that, even though I have my doctor’s notes, I was going to get fired for missing too many days. It’s all I could think about yesterday when I wasn’t in bed fast asleep. I was so anxious about it, I emailed one of my EDAs about it and expressed my concerns.
She told me that we would discuss my job expectations when I come back to work, and to just focus on feeling better for now.
Her email back helped calm me, but also fueled my anxiety by bringing up new questions that I couldn’t stop revolving in my head.
I tried changing my focus and doing things to take my mind off of work last night, and it was somewhat working, until my brother mentioned that if he had missed that many days at his job, his boss would just say not to come back to work, which restarted my anxiety.
I talked with my mom, and we both agreed that I needed more help with my anxiety. So I emailed my doctor and asked if they could request a consultation for me and a therapist or a counselor. The doctor had requested I speak with someone a few years ago, but I tossed the idea in the garbage. I felt like I didn’t want to share my deep feelings and details of my life to someone. Everyone had secrets, and I felt that some of mine shouldn’t be shared. But now I felt that I was ready to share everything I had to in order to get help with my anxiety.
I almost had a full-blown anxiety attack last night. I cried a handful of times, and it seemed that just crying it out did really help a lot more than I expected. I went to sleep earlier than normal, with my trusty chocolate lab on the bed beside me, while my husband played games and waited until Maggie went to my parents’ room.
When I woke up this morning, I could feel the anxiety slowly bubbling up inside me. I showered, dressed, packed up some snacks and was about to leave when I lost my cell phone. Note: I lose things a lot. Especially things that I just had in my hands a moment ago. So I wasted 15 minutes looking for my phone until I found it by the hairdryer. Freaking out looking for my phone just revved up my anxiety.
I made it to work just in time. It was warm in the office but I was sweating profusely. I wanted to get the talk with my EDA over with. I felt like I was probably going to end up crying at some point during our chat; I’m a huge cry baby. I sat at my desk making calls, and surprisingly the only thing that helped me calm down was my fidget cube. Normally the thing never worked for me, but today it was a small welcome distraction.
When the time finally came to talk to her, I poured out how my anxiety is to her. How when I’m on a routine, I’m fine, but when I get sick, my anxiety becomes out of wack and my emotions run wild. I also told her how I’m going to be seeking help from a therapist in the future, and she was very pleased.
She understood where I was coming from, and she admitted she has had mental health problems herself in the past. She explained how she understands that I’m an excellent worker, and I don’t want to miss work. It was a refreshing talk, which lead to a lot of weight being taken off my shoulders today.
I’m hoping to be able to speak to a professional soon.
I’m also currently fighting with a major headache, most likely a result of my overthetop anxiety this morning.
Anyone else experience anxiety at work?